Comtemplating Life

  Same butt workout this morning as last week, Changing it up tomorrow!

10 sets: 30 hip dip planks, 15 donkey kicks, 15 side donkey kicks, 30 one legged hip thrusts, 10 sumo squats with toe raises.

A nice long stretch afterwards, really needed this today!

Taking some big deep breaths this morning. Fair is over and life can go back to the usual working out, hiking, rodeoing and playing with my baby. Oh and WEDDING PLANNING! I am only a month away and I have not even ordered invitations. Is this bad? I kept telling myself that after fair I would get right on wedding planning. Truth be told, I am not excited to wedding plan. I should be, I want to marry my best friend and live happily ever after but the motivation to plan is just not there. I would rather go hike or ride or walk or really almost anything else! Something is holding me back and I can’t put my finger on it.

This morning on my way to work I started making a list in my head of all the things I needed to do today. Ordering invitations was on the list. My brain stopped at that item and ran off in a million directions. someones wife? really, am I ready for that? I am already someone mother, but wife? Moving away from my family for good so he can have his dream of carrying on the family farm, is that fair me? Living in oklahoma with no where to hike or explore? At this one I started to cry. I didn’t want to cry but the tears just came. I thought to myself, “am I really crying over not being able to hike or ride in the mountains” And yes I was.

Is that more important to me than my marriage? “No way” I told myself. Tyler spoils me rotten, treats me like a queen, loves me unconditionally and makes me laugh everyday. He makes it a point to tell me I am beautiful and that he likes my cooking. I have an arena outside my house where I can ride my horses everyday and an area for a garden the size of my house (this is something I really wanted). Why can I not see that he is an amazing man? Why are petty things coming before him? My mind is a cluster of thoughts and honestly they are not sorted out yet. I am anxious to be his wife and wake up to him everyday but I need to figure out where my soul is headed. My heart is happy, maybe I just need to learn to adjust and find things I like to do in Oklahoma. Having something for myself there, like hiking here, would really help I think.

I am learning it takes comprimise and that is one thing I really suck at. I like things my way. I like being in control and I like it when people let me have that authority. I am a work in progress!

I am strong. I am capable. I am powerful. I am beautiful.

xoxo,

Anne Nicole

  

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Love your honesty Anne! I think wedding planning was a pain no matter how excited I was anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

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